Don't Get Wrapped Up in the Superficialness
So let's start the journey into my mind with everything and anything about my favorite holiday: Christmas.
My holiday was mixed. I have a problem with expecting too much out of people and things, and then in the end I'm often left in the pits. This Christmas was one of those scenarios. Partially.
After the bell rang to free me from exams, the holiday was pretty wonderful. I went ice skating on Sunday, built a gingerbread house Monday (for the first time - it was homemade gingerbread, too), Painted my nails and toes with Essie's "Toggle to the Top", finally watched my favorite Christmas movie The Santa Clause, and watched all of our home videos on Christmas Eve (my favorite Christmas tradition next to presents).
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| Ice skating with friends! |
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| Flat roofs make for a chic gingerbread house. |
Then came the long-awaited Christmas day.
I woke up early, but stayed in my bed as to not bother my parents - yet. I arose at 7-ish and changed the advent calendars to finally read "0 days left until Christmas". I put on my santa hat, made a cup of cocoa, and was ready to get the holiday started.
The "Christmas feeling in the air" was not there, to say the least.
My father rolled out of bed, and my mother dawdled for a bit because she had been sick with what seemed to be the flu in the past day. They had a cup or two of coffee (because my parents without coffee on Christmas equals very grouchy home videos), we sat down in the [formal] living room, and we pressed record to film the opening of our presents on that Christmas 2014 morning like we do every year.
My family doesn't handle disappointment well, myself heavily included.
Looking back now, I'm very grateful for all I got: an iPhone 6 (64 GB!), an iPhone car charger, a $25 iTunes gift card, blue Victoria's Secret Pink Pajamas, Victoria's Secret Pink "Fresh & Clean" body mist and lotion, Taylor by Taylor Swift perfume, a faux leather jacket from PacSun that I had been eyeballing, and $50 from my grandparents.
Despite all of the wonderful things I had gotten, all I saw was what I hadn't gotten. I thought, "Wow, my parents really missed the mark on this one. Did they not see that I really wanted this, this, and this?"
And then there was the screen protector on my brand-new iPhone 6.
My father had gotten talked into buying one of those privacy screen protectors so that no one could look over my shoulder and see what I was doing on my phone. It sounds like a great idea, but this black screen protector on my white iPhone did not make Rowan happy.
My discontent was blatantly obvious. All that stuff was not enough. I was even disinterested in my new iPhone. My dad was offended, and needless to say he got into a "mood".
I was making the worst of a situation that should have been merry. I kid you not, I cried later that day. Cried. I was down in the dumps. I was upset that I had not gotten what I "wanted", and at the same time was mad at myself for being so selfish.
My household, my mother, father, and I, were on edge. None of us were happy. My phone was "wrong" and I was "disappointed" in my presents. My father's pajamas were too big and he had bought "the wrong thing". My mother was sick, weak, and caught between the flames.
I ended up zoning out to about three different movies with my mom for the day: Michael, Frozen, and Night at the Museum 2. I didn't want to deal with this "strife".
Such strife showed as we'd originally planned to have a Christmas lunch, but the negative mood and my mother's weakness constituted for a Christmas dinner at 5-ish.
My mother and I rolled out of bed at 3:30 and began to cook. Food seemed to lighten the mood, as it often does. We had beef and burgundy (not for me), baked tofu (for me), mushroom gravy, rice, lima beans, stuffing, mashed sweet potatoes, a vegetable bake, cucumber-tomato salad, chocolate pie, and apple pie. We all enjoyed the meal and each other's company, and after having our fill we drove around for about an hour listening to my dad's strange new CD and looking at the Christmas lights. We returned home and watched another Christmas movie, Gremlins, but I fell asleep.
And that was Christmas.
I had some anxiety that night for various reasons, but I awoke the next day with a completely different attitude. I was grateful and happy.
Friday, we participated in the crazy, selfish day-after-Christmas return shopping. I got my screen protector changed out for a clear one (it really did bother me), my father returned his pajamas, and I got a 2015 New York calendar that I had wanted.
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| My new iPhone 6 post-screen protector trauma with a new Speck case. |
Today, I continued my optimism and cleaned my whole room to get a head-start on my New Year's resolutions. I didn't just clean as in "shove stuff under the bed so that it's not on the bed" clean, but I actually dusted, organized, and got rid of some old things. When I was done, I felt accomplished, elated, and inspired. Nothing says "welcome New Year" like organization.
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| My newly cleaned room :) |
I then did my daily Blogilates workout, showered, and cooked some beets for dinner. Yup, I said beets. Chop 'em up, brush 'em with coconut oil, and bake 'em for 35 minutes at 450 Fahrenheit. Beets, despite popular conception, are quite delicious.
And now I'm here.
Every Christmas this happens to me: I get too excited, I'm disappointed, I'm selfish, and then I have an epiphany.
I know Christmas isn't about the presents. It never is and never was. I always tell myself this, and as I've gotten older this has become more and more true. However, it never fails that on Christmas morning it does become about the shiny new toy under the tree. It turns my heart materialistic and ruins my holiday.
I apologized to my parents for my attitude and expressed how grateful I was for all they had given me. I know we're not rich, and it meant a lot for them to get me what they did because they just want to express their love for me (an iPhone 6 with 64 GB is really expensive!). I love everything they gave me, truly, and in fact have started to forget what they "didn't get me".
My epiphany is just how blessed and lucky I am to get what I get, have the blessings I have, and have the wonderful parents that I have. Sure it's rocky at times, and I can be a brat, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Christmas is about reflecting on the year and just simply being with others. The presents? That's just a part of being with friends and family. Without them, we wouldn't have the presents. It's what's behind the present, the love, that encompasses Christmas.
I hope everyone had a merry Christmas. Mine was rough at first, but then I learned the true meaning of Christmas as the day went on.
Now I need to pack. I'm kind of leaving for Birmingham, Alabama tomorrow. Don't think I have time to paint my nails again. Drat.
-Rowan
