Brick Walls to Love

I consider myself a creative person. An out-of-the-box person. A unique person. How you may perceive me may be quite the contrary, as I am fully aware that I tend to stay on the quiet and reclusive side. Nonetheless, I'm a thinker - something I think most that come in contact with me get the vibe of. What upsets a "thinker" more than anything? Feeling as if you can't even reach your own thoughts. This is an elaborate way of saying I have been going through a creativity block - a major creativity block.

It is one thing when you find yourself cycling over and over the same thoughts, but it's another once those same boring thoughts play into your work (school) and life. Personally, things like projects and essays had become difficult for me to do because frankly the ideas were everywhere but my mind. Then it started to bother me.

To be completely honest, I find these creativity blocks to be accompanied by emotional ruts (or really the other way around). When life's got you down, it feels almost impossible to pick up a pencil and write something beyond, "See Sally walk".

And, as you may have (or may not have because it doesn't really matter to you) noticed, there was no blog post last week. Quite frankly, that was a combination of nothing going on and this rut I had been in.

I don't know where it broke. I started waking up each day with a more and more positive attitude despite the trials of the day past, the sun shone, and I felt... motivated. The energy was there, but where to release all that energy was still foreign to me.

So I dabbled in the lighthearted arts. I went on a bike ride with my family. I doodled all over my worksheet for Spanish class. I wrote an opening for what could potentially be a story.

The fog really seemed to clear this past Thursday afternoon riding home on the bus as I was thinking about a project I had to do for my World History class. I had done the project already, but I knew it was terrible (despite how hard I worked on it). Then a great idea for what I should do popped into my head, and the project was due tomorrow. I did, in fact, re-do my project. It was much better, and I was satisfied.

You're probably reading this and thinking, "Why do I care that a fifteen-year-old girl figured out what to do for her history project?".

I'm not saying this to say that I've "figured things out". I haven't. I don't think I ever can. However, I am saying that motivation to do something causes change. Where does this motivation come from? For me, in this case, I think it was the weather. It had been sunny, dry, and the slightest bit warm for awhile. Gone were the cloudy, wet, wintery days that offered no light into any situation. Once the light reigned in, it was as if I could see again.

My creativity drives me. What drives you could be completely different, and that motivation to go for what you're drawn to could be completely different too. To act upon whatever it is that drives you - just do it. I feel instantly better after writing parts of a story I'm working on or even blogging. With that relief I can suddenly work better in school, smile more, and better my surroundings.

So write. Draw. Jog. Run. Sing. Dance. I don't know - do what you love. Don't let the dog days of the world prevent you from doing what you love. The only way to combat negativities in life is love.

Love comes in many different forms. Love changes things. Love is what the world should run on.

Love - just do it.

This took a sappy turn, but we need to be reminded of what our potential can do for the world. I was in a creativity block. I felt as if I couldn't do anything. Imagine if the whole world stayed in their own "creativity blocks"? Nothing good would come of it.

Remember what's important to you. Like I said at the beginning - I consider myself a creative person. School, which more often than not can drain you of creativity, and other things shouldn't get in the way of that. It won't get in the way of that. I started a creative writing club at my school just to implement that you can do what you love despite the circumstances.

To close, I will leave you with two final thoughts. What drives you? What burns within you? Think about. Do something about it. Maybe, just maybe, you'll smile.

Back to Reality

Hello world (or at least a few people in Escambia County)!
For me, and most out there, this was the week when the period of holiday bliss ended and the real world returned with a punch in the face. Specifically, school started back for me Tuesday, but even this shortened four-day school week felt never-ending and exhausting.
I always have this naive thought at the beginning of the semester that they will ease you in with a day or two of getting back into the groove of things and no real work.
And I am always wrong.
Make up exams. Pop quizzes. Homework. Lectures. The list goes on, and it's only been four days.
Already waking up at 5:30 (well, more like 5:50 because I like the snooze button) is taking its toll on me. No amount of tea can ward of the yawning and zoning out that comes with early mornings, long days, and a lot of work.
I'm not here to complain though. I'm here simply to reflect. I don't think I really mind going back to school honestly (endless Saturdays are quite nice though), because one can't live in euphoria forever. That's not to say that reality is complete misery, but reality experiences ups and downs versus the constant "ups" during carefree days.
What am I getting to here? Well, I guess I'm here to share my life motto: opinion determines outcome. If I had woken up Tuesday morning and said, "I don't want to go to school. This will be a terrible day", then I would've been convinced, no matter what came my way amidst the day, that the day was terrible. Instead, I tried to make the best of the day by wearing my new jacket from Christmas, packing a good lunch, and catching up with my friends.
However, I'm not going to lie, those times during the day when the tiredness seriously struck me, it was as if everything was terrible. Everything was boring. I wasn't talking to anyone. My head hurt. I didn't want to put my best foot forward. I would've rather been home watching Gilmore Girls (my latest obsession). I wanted to do everything but what I had to do.
It was those time I chose to view everything negatively because of "poor pitiful me". You know what? The last few days were awful. I let them be awful.
It's amazing how your attitude changes everything, it really is. I find that the solution to your negative attitude is to try to find the positive effects of whatever you're doing. The best example here is schoolwork. So, if I have to do another AP World History chapter study guide (which I often dread - as in, always dread), I try to think, "By doing this now, I'll get ahead in my schoolwork, and I'll be getting even closer to passing the AP World History exam". That is much more motivational than, "This is going to take three hours out of my Sunday".
Next time you find yourself having a bad day, examine how you're viewing things, and try to flip it around. Flipping your mood can, in fact, flip your day.
The idea of "opinion determines outcome" can be applied to practically everything in life. Working out. Introducing yourself to someone new. Taking a test. You name it. It's the best life motto to live by!

This blog post totally turned into "inspirational time with Rowan", which I wasn't planning. I like writing without plan though; I often do my best writing when I'm just "feeling it".Writing is something that comes from within. Good, ernest writing does not just go directly from your brain to your fingertips, it has to make a pit stop to your heart along the way.
I could write forever about writing, but like many tangents I go off on, this topic will be saved for another day.

To close this blog post, I wanted to share the song I've been listening to constantly in the past two weeks that's always leveled my mood. "Oceans" by Swedish songwriter Andreas Moe is absolutely beautiful and serene to listen to. To be honest, I haven't listened closely to the lyrics yet, but I suppose it's something I should examine. Anywho, I'm sharing a YouTube link for you to listen to. Even if you're not one to go deep into the lyrics, simply enjoy the song for the musical bliss it brings to your ears.
FYI, the stripped acoustic version is WAY better than the original, but I could only find the music video of the song to listen to.

Click here to watch the music video to "Ocean" by Andreas Moe!

Have an awesome week!

-Rowan

Happy New Years & Youth in Action

Happy New Year everyone! The holidays are now at a close, and I hope the season was marvelous for you all.

Personally, I've never cared for New Years all that much. I get super hyped about Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I honestly didn't even know that New Years Day was an actual holiday in which businesses were closed and such until yesterday when my mother told me so. If that doesn't display my lack of enthusiasm for the New Year's holiday, I don't know what will.
Still, I try to get into the spirit with making New Year's Resolutions, but they're typically the same every year: get fit, stop bad habits, get organized, be less anxious, and spend more time with God. However, I'm notorious for setting New Year's "goals" and not really thinking about them past January 1st. In fact, I did nothing of the sorts yesterday that would help me reach those goals, aside from my daily workout.
New Years just goes right over my head every year. Often I forget it's a "clean slate" because I already look too much into the future, and my heightened focus on the future causes me to neglect how to get to that future now. It's an endless cycle.
Today as I write I'm reflecting on these goals and how I may have already begun them. This leads me into the last few days of December and Youth in Actions.
I had the privilege of going to Youth in Action in Birmingham, Alabama at the Homewood Church of Christ from December 28-30. Youth in Action is what one would call a "youth rally" in the Christian church. Basically, youth groups gather from all over for a few days of lessons about applying God into our lives, bonding with others, and overall fun.
This year's theme was "Made for Glory". The lessons were about how God has designed you with a purpose, and that purpose being for His glory.

The main stage decorated with tools to represent the theme "Made for Glory".

I'll be honest, on the first night when we arrived after a 5-hour van ride, I wasn't into it. Growing up in both the Church of Christ and a Christian school (until 8th grade), it's very easy to allow things like this to become mundane and boring. I had to force myself to sing the worship songs. I could basically predict the keynotes. My mind wandered to other things during the prayer. I was relieved to leave that first night because I just wanted to go to bed. That night, what I felt I needed was a lesson on worship, because quite frankly I had forgotten how to put my heart into it.
Then came the second day, and the only full day, December 29.

OOTD for December 29: LA Hearts brown faux leather jacket, Wet Seal navy blue top, CottonOn white infinity scarf, Hollister high-waisted blue jeggings, Target brown purse, and Target brown ballet flats. Let's just say my feet were cold.

Starting at 9:30 AM sharp, we worshipped. A combination of the early morning and lack of desire to worship lead me to think, "Do we have to worship right now? I just want to sit and listen to people talk". Plus, watching the very enthusiastic song leader jump, clap, and practically burst into dance (which is out of the norm for most Church of Christ goers) didn't enthrall me one bit
Then the keynote by Buddy Bell, the preacher of the day and the former preacher at my church, began his lesson.
Remember how I said that I wanted a lesson on worship? Well guess what Buddy Bell taught on.
Worship.
God does funny things like that sometimes, and at that realization I found myself tuning into Buddy Bell's lessons much more than the other two speakers. I wrote down some notes, something I hadn't done in awhile.
After the keynote, we had class, lunch (which I couldn't eat because there were only ham and turkey sandwiches - luckily I brought a Quest protein bar), another class (that I fell asleep in, oops), and then the final class of the day.
This final class was my favorite, and not just because it was the last class. It was the only class in which it wasn't a "sit-down-and-listen-to-me-talk" class, but instead a class where there were stations and silent reflection. This is where my heart started to turn.

The beautiful auditorium in which the final class on December 29 took place.

I spent some time reflecting on how I saw God, what I needed prayer for, praying for others, what's keeping me from God, and how close or far from God I am.
The big thing that I prayed for was for God to use my flaws to glorify Him. Usually we just ask him to use our abilities that he's given us for the better, but our flaws are there for a reason, too. You can either let those flaws drag you down, or you can express them in ways that cause growth for the better. I want God to use my flaws for His glory. I don't know how He's going to do it, but I'm putting my faith in Him.
I left that class a little lighter. I saw that I was surrounded by God and my loving youth group, and it was time to delve into fellowship and God a little deeper.
Relationships grow when you spend time with one another, so what did that mean for us? Time to go to the teenage haven: the mall. Specifically, we went to the Galleria in Birmingham.

I found Superman!

A view from the center of the Galleria.

We shopped. We ate. We laughed. 

I was personally excited because I got to go to a Teavana shop, something we don't have were I live. Teavana, taken from the name, is a tea store, and I am a tea fanatic. I was in heaven, my friends.

However, it was my first time at Teavana, I know nothing about loose tea, they only sell loose tea, and I accidentally overspent because I was confused. I got a cup of tea, 2 ounces of Earl Grey tea (for my mother's birthday present), 2 ounces of Gingerbread oolong tea (it was half off), and two considers to hold the loose tea (these were half off as well). I'm thinking, "It's tea. It won't cost that much".

Twenty-four dollars for tea. TWENTY-FOUR! I thought I had been ripped off, and I still kind of think I was. Now, $24 is not that much money truly, but it kind of breaks the bank for a teenager with limited funds. Also, I was a little miffed at the fact that I can go to Starbucks and get a cup of tea for about $2.50, and my cup of tea at Teavana was $3.99, and they sell Teavana tea at Starbucks.

Luckily it was really good tea.

I also bought this book called Eat Pretty: Nutrition for the Inside and Out by Jolene Hart at Francesca's. I had seen this book on Tumblr awhile back, and I was absolutely ecstatic when I found  it. I love all things nutrition and health, and being a vegetarian I felt the need to educate myself on food. I'll give you a full synopsis and my review of it in a future post.

Eat Pretty: Nutrition for the Inside and Out by Jolene Hart

After the mall we went back to close out the night of December 29 for Youth in Action. I finally started getting into the worship, and so did my whole youth group. It was empowering beyond words. Following the more-or-less tradition of "confession night" on the last night of Youth in Action, that night we all gathered at our hotel in one hotel room for a heart-to-heart. I won't go into detail though, because what happens during a confession stays at that confession.

After a late night of more talking even after the intervention, I went to bed at 1:30 AM and woke up at 7:45 AM the same day to get ready for the final day of Youth in Action.

The worship was great. The classes were great. I got a wee bit bored during the keynotes (I may or may not have fallen asleep), but overall the day was swell.

OOTD for December 30: Forever 21 sweater, Forever 21 floral scarf, Forever 21 black leggings, and Target brown boots. No makeup!

The classes were particularly notable. My first class of that day involved the story of faith of a ninety-one year old World War II veteran, Nathan Smith.

Myself (left) and Nathan Smith (right).

This wonderful man was a marine that lived through the second attack on Pearl Harbor (he had to jump off a ship into the water!), fought the Japanese (or the "Japs" as he called them), killed a man in combat, came out alive (and ironically stayed at the naval hospital in Pensacola), and now has a story to tell: his testimony of faith in the fact that God had a plan for him and does for every single one of us. However, Nathan Smith was not always the man of faith that he is today. In fact, he didn't get baptized until the year he was fifty-two, a few months after his God-fearing mother died. It was then that he dedicated his life to God.

It was a privilege not only getting to listen about how God continued to save him during the war, but also getting to be amazed at the scripture of the Bible hidden in his heart that he could spew out like the answer to 1 plus 1. He was even quoting scripture during his prayer! A sweet, honorable, and inspiring man Nathan Smith was. I was so blessed to have the opportunity to meet him, and he really showed me how God has a plan for everyone even when we're blind to it.

Youth in Action ended at around 4 o'clock PM that day, and we hit the road for a 5-hour trip back to Pensacola.

Group shot before we leave! I'm on the far right.

All deriving from Buddy Bell's keynotes on worship, the thing I most needed to hear about, I took a total of three notes over the course of Youth in Action:

1) Make a big deal about God in the good and bad times because that's what really praises him.

2) You're not praising Him in here (church) because you're not praising Him out there (and vice versa).

3) God must be your constant.

I wrote these down not only because I felt they were good notes to share with my blog, but also because it was food for thought for me. I, despite what it seems to many, am not "with" God very often. Sure I don't do "bad" things like curse, smoke, drink alcohol, etc, but I can be as distant from God at times as a non-Christian. Thus, I have a hard time really getting into church.

This is a problem that exists amongst many long-time Christians because it's easy to get caught up in this fast-paced world we live in. Personally, my big distractor is school. I often put so much into school that I leave nothing for God. Again, this is a topic for another post, but you get my point.

From Youth in Action, I have chewed on that I was made for more than just school. I was made to glorify God in whatever I do, whether that be school or blogging here right now, and you were made to glorify God in what you do. I don't know yet what God wants me to do (though if it be journalism, I'm totally into that), but I know God has a plan.

What's the solution to have a stronger faith? I have no definite answer for that. However, I can say that the factors of community with church and alone time with God are big helpers. Will it be easy? No. It takes time and effort. But God is worth it. He truly is.

I bring this extremely long blog post to a close. Now post-Youth in Action and New Years, I have schoolwork to do. What? Schoolwork over Winter Break? Yup, there is no break in high school. A topic for another day.

-Rowan