The Struggle of the Inner Person

Hi there! Haven't posted in awhile. Do I really have an excuse? No. You should always make time for what you like, what encompasses you as a person. That's what I'm here to talk about today.

We live in a very fast-paced world, as you are aware. We live either in 5-second bites, or we're constantly in the future. Me personally? I'm always ten steps ahead of myself. I go to school and think about my after-school workout. I workout and think about what I'm going to eat for dinner. While I'm eating dinner I'm thinking about my going-to-bed routine.

Rarely do we choose to be present.

With the prospect of school getting out, I had thought, "I'm so excited for summer! I'll actually have time to do creative things!"

Then summer came.

Summer is not only a time for a break from going to school every day, but it's also a time for self-realization. It's what you end up choosing to do with all of this free time that can really show who you are, or it can show that you're intimidated by who you are.

Many of us, myself included, take summer as a time to binge-watch Netflix. Well, whether it be Netflix, regular TV, the movies, or the internet, many people use their summer vacations to zone out. Hey - relaxation is important, don't get me wrong - but what are we really doing by focusing our everything into external things?

Not only are we choosing to forget our problems, but we're also choosing to forget both what's around us and what's inside of us.

I have fallen prey to this as of late. I don't like to be unproductive because I understand that by doing nothing I don't achieve my potential to do something better, something worth the while.

My brokenness as a human truly settled in once I realized I had lost all motivation to write.

Since I was little, I followed in my mother's footsteps and was an absolute junkie for reading books and making up stories. As I've gotten older, it's become harder and harder for me to pick up a book and finish it, and it's become harder and harder for me to find anything that would spark a story.

When you don't use and maintain something, whether it be a car, a muscle, a friendship/relationship, or a skill, it becomes weak, unusable, and foreign. When you don't choose to connect to who you are as a person, who God created you to be, you become foreign to yourself.

If there's anything I fear the most, and needles (my worst physical fear) do even quiver at this, it's being stuck. Falling into the same pattern of life that everyone else falls into. Living a life of complete routine. Succumbing to closed-mindedness. Losing my light.

Seeing wasted potential, mine or somebody else's, always makes me sad. We were each created to do something important. It truly fills me with absolute sorrow when people forget that they have more than just what's placed in front of them to work with.

This isn't about "living life to the fullest", as many try to fill themselves with. It's not about cramming in a bunch into your life, either. It's also not just about doing "what you want". It's about the daunting question, "Who am I?". It's about living up to what you know you're capable of. It's about being here in the moment, not in the future.

I hadn't written a blog post because I was choosing to engulf my whole self into school. I had forgotten what made me me, and nothing seemed to be satisfying. Honestly, now that I don't have school, I'm a little intimidated to do what I just preached.  What are my goals this summer then? Just what summer is truly all about, having time to reconnect with me.

I'm going to leave you with a Bible verse and a quote:

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. (Matthew 19:14)

The creative adult is the child who survived.

Think about that.